When it comes to you, I am confident with who i am.

The fighting, the tears, the screaming, it never seems to decease. It's driving me crazy, it's slowly killing me. All because i just want my friend back, and it seems to be impossible to gain it. You bring me so much pain, so much hurt, through everything you have done, and seem to continue to do. Why do i deserve this? Why must you treat me the way you do? Your words are few, but your actions scream louder than anything. I feel i am nothing more than a sexual object, yet you tell me that's different. Is it really? what is going on in that head of yours? I know i know you better than anyone, but it doesn't mean i know what your thinking, so i need you to tell. I need you to tell me everything that is going through your mind, everything that pertains to me. I can't keep trying to figure it out on my own, because things change so quickly i get lost in the in betweens. So spill your heart out, be reckless with your emotions, i wont hurt you, i wont use it against you, and you will not be less of a man for doing so. So whats stopping you for admitting the truth that lies in your head.

Can you honestly tell me you don't feel anything when you hold me? When you kiss me? Whether i want to or not, it happens to me. I cant shake it, i cant let it go. So i am shocked when you act as if its nothing, proceed to throw around the fact this new Boo is everything you want, and so amazing to you. But you've said that to me, and the girl after me. You told me from day one you knew, that you had some feeling towards me, that you would love me forever. That it was something that would appear in dreams, that you never thought would actually come true, than you had me. Then you lost me.

Did you mean them? or were they just lines to get my heart? Did you truly feel everything you said to me? Or were they just to dry my eyes from the tears Ive cried?

I am cocky when it comes to you. I have such a confidence, sometimes i doubt it, sometimes i am unsure. But there are moments that i realize i know im my heart whats true. I was the best thing for you. I gave you all my love, and would of done that till death because i felt you were the one for me, and it scares me now to think those thoughts. I know you better than you know yourself, you even said it's true. I know what makes you tick, i know what makes you calm, i know what makes you happy and of course i know what turns you on. Never in your life will you meet someone that is like me, never in your life will you get the love, the passion, the emotion that i have given you. I am confident in this because i know. No matter how many times you tried to shut me down with those ideals, say these things to destroy my mindset, i always knew in my heart. I knew after you dumped me, that one day, one moment in the future, you would tell me it hurts that im not there, that i was amazing to you, the perfect girlfriend. I KNEW that day would come, because i knew what i was to you.

But it all kills me to this day still. Because you had something so amazing and you let it rot away, not only our relationship but our friendship. Because i am not that "Boo" i have come lower down the ladder, just like when i was with you. There always seemed to be another girl that was around, when you made me feel they were better, that i wasn't good enough. All i wanted was something from you. To show me those words are true. That i do mean something, and i know i mean a lot within your heart but you won't let it show. I just want you to change how you are with me, FOR ONCE to show i mean something to you, and dont hurt me, dont let me just walk out of your life if you want me there. Dont be scared of what things might lie between us. I made a promise to myself, that no matter what id always be around for you. When we were together in my mind, it was as husband and wife, but that is gone now, so i want to be that best friend for you. But i want to feel like i am of that importance back.

Now my mind is cluttered with so many thoughts. Am i stupid for feeling this way? Am i stupid for trying so hard when i never really got what i deserved in return? Why must this pain always fucking happen to me? Why do you get to go on and be happy? While once again you leave me in tears, all alone? It's not fair. What you've done to me, what you still do to me. You hiding your feelings just causes me so much pain. you say you understand, you feel it too. But yet you saying everything is so amazing with your boo, leave me in the dust, hurt by not giving me what i deserve, and angry when i speak my feelings when the tears begin to fall.

Why do i put myself through this shit every single time? I am such an amazing person, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving. i could have anyone in this world, who would treat me like i am one of the most important people in the world, but instead i get hurt by you.

Will it ever change? Can you ever be that person who truly cares for me? Expresses it to me? Can be there for me when needed? And not expect anything from it?

These thoughts spill within my mind every day. Every fight. Every talk. Every ride we talk. Every time we kiss. Yet they are never answered, never ended, and i am left in tears, confused, and still broken, just always broken.