Lost in Love

So it's been some time since i wrote something, but life and love seem to be distracting me to the point it's too much to make time for here.

Love is insane, as i view my own life and people i know, i just see utter insanity, pain, happiness, hurt, love etc. It seems that love sometimes never is enough depending on circumstances. That no matter how much you love someone that sometimes, that just doesn't do it anymore. We can give everything we have, every bone in our body, to make something be how we want, then we can end in tears that night because it failed. It seems why do we try? Should we even try? Does love really matter that much to risk everything to make it work?

When people make mistakes, sometimes they are bad ones, to the point this notion above is put in place. We can try so hard to fix it, and know that our hearts we put into it should matter more than the mistake, but sometimes people only see the flaws, people only focus on those mistakes made and never understand the true meaning, feeling and love that goes behind it. People can immediately think because of the mistake made, that  person is horrible, that because of it, they show no love, no care etc. I am that person. I made a mistake in the notion of trying to help someone. Trying to prove my love and have that person be happy with thei lives, be happy with everything in general. Well it back fired on me, and here i am pouring my heart out to the world searching for answers, because no matter how hard i work in making everything better, nothing seems to get fixed. Everyone sees the mistake that was made and hates me for it, they despise me being with him because of it, they see that and don't know me, or my side, or my reasoning. What kills me is i do not have the chance to prove that everything i did and everything i do comes straight from my heart. I am a good person, throughout my life i have always put everything i had into making the people in my life happy, especially when things go wrong. That was my notion with him, and i tried opening up to his parents to prove this girl he is in love with is in fact a good person, that i in fact love him with all my heart, and in fact only try to give whats best for him. No one seems to see that, because nobody knows.
I am left here, with nothing to show for it all, without you in my arms happy & in love. Instead of being able to prove everything and have you here, i fight for what seems to be nothing. I don't see it in your eyes, i don't see it in your heart and i don't see it in your actions. The words you spit to me warm my heart and soul but everything else just leaves me cold. I would prove to the whole world, prove to everyone and everything my love for you, that my heart is yours, and do anything i can to make everything better. In the end i question if any of that even matters, if any of it is even good enough. I fight this battle it seems alone, because i don't have you by my side fighting. You are too scared of the negative outcome that might arise from the situation, your hope and faith i see is fleeting, and your strength seems so far away. I need the shortcut to everyone else's heart, i need your help to fight with me, so we can win this battle, so we can once again shove it in everyone's faces about how happy we can be. Love is most definitely a battlefield and is not something you should go at alone. One person can only do so much, but with the strength of two, baby we can fight the world together.

I hold on to my strength to stand strong in this world, but no matter how strong i can be, no matter how much i hold on to my hope, my faith in love, it doesn't seem to be enough. I seem to be just completely lost in love =[